Define Uomo
by eternalJuggalo
Summary: Lovino lives a pretty easy life, he has plenty of friends, a loving Grandpa and brother and not to mention a sexy Spanish roomate...only problem is, he wasn't exactly born Lovino, rather Lovina... and no this is not Fem!LovinoXSpain! Read and find out what I mean. AU
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

I stared in the mirror as I tightened the ace bandage. The extreme pressure on my chest renewed bruises and constricted me with excruciating pain but I had nothing else to use. My lips parted as I let out a long sigh. My name is Lovino Romano Vargas, but you might remember me as Lovina Rosalie Vargas. I am a trans*man.

The last bell rang a Gauken High school, and hundreds of bodies pushed and shoved each other as they clawed at the door to escape. Gauken High School was located in England, Greenbriar England. I had been going here since fresh man year and my experience was a little less than horrible. The school had one student from every part of the world and every person seemed to be the stereotype of their country, François who was ironically from France would always bicker with Arthur from England, the Turkish kid always bullied the boy from Greek and so on and so forth. Sadly though this means I am also a stereotypical South Italian, and the older Spanish student, Antonio liked to think of me as his little brother. This would be great considering he's a really great guy; except for I'm not exactly a cis-gendered male. I'm what is called a trans*man, born a female but identifies as male. Back in my old school I was known as a girl, called a girl, the pronouns they used referring to me were female so in eighth grade I decided I had become too depressed I begged to transfer to Gauken where I could get away and be me. When applying I _accidently_ clicked the male box and typed my name as Lovino Romano, my grandpa whom I live with gave me a stern look and grumbled but waved it away, and have been fine ever since...sorta.

As mentioned earlier the Spanish student Antonio is very clingy and loves to hug and touch me. I've usually tried to hide myself and body and having him all over me is not very helpful. He laughs since I don't take off my shirt or I get dressed in the bathroom, little things I know he doesn't mean but hurt. At this school I am not as lonely as I was though with him around. It use to just be me and my twin brother Feliciano but he now goes to an Art school in New York and I have new friends. My group consists of Antonio and his two pervert friends Gilbert and Francis nicknamed the Bad Touch Trio and their boyfriends Roderich and Matthew. Mainly though I talk with Roderich and Matthew as Antonio molests me. I smiled a bit thinking of our little episodes in the cafeteria but as I was lost in my thoughts I didn't notice I had walked into Antonio himself.

"Oi! Watch where you're walking bastard!"

"Now Lovi no need to be mean! You'll hurt my feelings!" I rolled my eyes and pushed past him but he easily caught up. "Heading back to our room? Me too! We should walk together!"

"Whatever, just...don't touch me." He nodded with that stupid lovab- no just stupid smile of his. He obeyed my demand but walked awfully close to me. We arrived at our building, Europe. Each building was named after a continent and each person from a country in that continent was put in that building, the Europe building was enormous and it annoyed me to no end. I leapt the stairs, Antonio keeping pace and babbling about some chick that'd tried to woo him and failed, I snorted at the poor girl, she had wasted her time. EVERYONE knew the idiot was gay, undeniably Gay, with a capital G.

I unlocked the door and stepped in, kicking off my shoes and flopping into bed "I call first shower!" I weakly called out pushing myself up and grabbing my towel after a little while. As I made my way to the dresser to get pajamas I heard him snicker "Lovi why don't you just change out here and not in the bathroom where it'll be hot and humid? Are you embarrassed of your body?" I felt a bit of dysphoria strike me but pushed it away "I just don't want perverts like you starring at me." He shrugged and got up "Well I just wanted to walk with you, Francis invited me for drinks since we are all eighteen now, finally! Adios Lovi~!" He grinned and left but not before planting a firm smack on my ass earning him one square on his face. As the door clicked shut I breathed out. 'Finally free! I can change out here now!' I pulled off my clothes and ran the shower. After turning it to the appropriate temperature I hopped in, forgetting to shut the bathroom door...

Chapter one

I washed my hair massaging and scratching my scalp as let out a small moan at the feeling. I turned towards the shower head as I heard a familiar chuckle. My head whipped around and I came face to face with that damned Spaniard. With the shower curtain wrapped around me and my face an extreme red due to the heat and embarrassment. "Antonio you pervert, get out!" Much to my annoyance he just stuck his tongue out "Nice ass Lovi~" Antonio sauntered out but the last few steps were a stumble as I shoved him out. Making sure the door was securely shut I dried off and pulled on my clothes. I decided to pack that night for fear of my roommate's wandering hands.

The next morning I awoke to my alarm clock's loud buzzing screaming that class was about to start. I grumbled wondering why classes were so early in the morning. After dressing in the school uniform and everything else you should do in the morning I checked my phone. Antonio had left early to meet Gilbert for breakfast, why he thought he should call then text me to tell, I'm not sure.

Skipping breakfast I rushed into AP English, one of my most hated classes, he other student were loud and annoying. Right as I sat down my point was proven by the obnoxious America who called out "Hey Arthur! Come sit by me! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeea aaaaaase? " Arthur had been dating that stupid American Alfred for months now, yet every time they saw one another Alfred saw that he must yell for his boyfriend to sit with him. The class flew by with a long discussion on lying and cheating to get to the top, the subject arose from an article and while have the class saw it unethical to cheat and lie to succeed the other side believed that you had to cheat and lie to get to the top. I could see both sides so I wasn't very much into the argument. The rest of the day flew by and since we were nearing the last month of school my teachers didn't assign much homework. Finally 6th period came, Spanish. I love the Spanish language; to me it is almost…erotic. This made it even harder to room with Antonio who would speak it every now and then, causing me to have to excuse myself and run to the bathroom. It also made Spanish class very awkward but there was no way I could pick French. Plus, to make matters worse Antonio was in that class and would make sure to sit extremely close and insist on helping with it, though since Italian was my first language Spanish did not prove very difficult. I dropped my books on the table and sat but instead of meeting the hard cold plastic I felt something warm and firm.

"My my Lovi~ you'll make me hard sitting on me like this~!"

As soon as the words were spoken I sprung up and sat on the bench, _next_ to Antonio, I said nothing though because I had felt and now see the lump in his pants. Swallowing I looked forward at the board, we had a substitute so we had to read a page in our text book then practice dialect with the person sitting next to us. Flipping through my book I felt a hand slide towards my thigh, it was immediately removed as I glared at Antonio. I read the page ten times to avoid having to speak with Antonio. "Lovi I know you're not that slow." Groaning I turned to him.

"_Lo siento_ Antonio. _Por que_?" He grinned and we kept up a conversation in Spanish till the bell, which in my case rang way too late. I sped out of the classroom to our dorm where I quickly took care of my _little problem. _

I sat down on my bed for lack of a better place and started my homework. I nearly jumped for joy as I got to write Lovino instead of Lovina. I had told my Grandpa I would fix the problem of applying as male but I never did and the school never really questioned why my records and given name were different so I got off pretty easy. I finished math and science and every other piece of information then it came down to English. I disliked this class even though reading and writing are some of my favorite pass times, the only thing that bothered me were our discussions. They were always extremely complex and often I could never get my whole thought out. It's was extremely frustrating and now we had to write an essay on a life changing decision, and I could only come up with one thought. It would be extremely easy to just come out and tell them but I don't want to have to deal with trans*phobic people. The assignment was due till the 2nd of October though and it was only September 21st. I decided to push it away until the last moment then write something like when I got a new dog despite the fact I'm more of a cat person.

The door made a small click as Antonio shuffled in.

"_Hola Lovi_~" he greeted me.

"Como esta?" Rolling my eyes I retorted with "This is England speak English dumbass." The Spaniard shrugged and made a move to hug me which I weakly avoided. Standing there awkwardly, staring at the floor my mind wandered and Antonio went to take a shower. When he got back out I was still standing there staring at the same spot on the ground.

"Lovi? You ok?" My head snapped around to look at him and nodded.

"Yeah just thinking…" This wasn't exactly true but not exactly a lie, but I was definitely alert when Antonio dropped his towel and got dressed right in front, blushing I turned and shut my eyes.

"Q-quit stripping in front of me it's inappropriate!" He chuckled and pulled his boxers on. "I have nothing to hide, plus I know you like it by the way you blush and bite your lip~" I hadn't even noticed I had been chewing on my lip the whole time "Shut up bastard!" I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door, changing into a black tank top and my boxers. Stepping out I could see my roommate passed out on his bed so I snuck into mine, I didn't fall asleep right away I watched Antonio for a while. I had a crush on him ever since I saw him but I knew he'd never want me, he touched me and messed with me but only because he thought I was male. He'd never want me if he knew what I really was. Sighing I brushed some hair out of his face

"If only you could know, and still love me…" I snuggled into my blankets and I didn't even notice as a frown appeared on Antonio's face and he got up to look confused at me before settling back down uneasily.

A/N: Sorry I have really short chapters, I try my best…and pack means to like put something down there to make it look like you gotta…dick…in Lovino's case he's using a professional one, ;D


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Whoo next chapter! I'm so surprised this has already gotten reviews and people following it! I can really relate to this story cause lil known fact I'm a transboy too, last chapter was kinda sexual, sorry I was writing an oneshot and I just love pervert Spain. But this chapters gonna be really sad cause Lovi gets a _bit _of dysphoria...and keep in mind this is near the end of school for them and they've been living together for four years, Lovi's good at keeping secrets

XxX

The next morning it was the same 'ole routine, starting with the alarm clock and ended with me rushing out the door struggling with stubborn shoe, and a se-no totally not sexy Spaniard locking our door behind me. Antonio had insisted on walking me to first period, I had tried with all my might, well maybe not all, to get him to change his mind but the bastard was set on it. Pulling on my shoe after failing to jam my foot in, I called out to Antonio "Hurry we're gonna be late!" He nodded "Sorry!" and swiftly caught up with me, smiling, and putting a hand to my back to usher me forward. Halfway there he let out a long breath and looked at me "H-hey Lovi...can I talk to you about something...?" I shrugged and didn't even look at him. "Sure, I don't give a fuck." "O-ok, um well I was kinda curious 'cause we've been friends for years and...well... when you were in the shower, you kinda looked like a girl...and come to think of it that's the first I've seen you actually without a shirt on too… " Now he had my full attention. Wide eyed and trembling I looked toward Antonio. "W-what are you saying I'm a girl? Bastard! Obviously I'm male! We've been roommates for years! GOD YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOTA!" I shrieked at him but made sure to keep my voice low so not give him more to be suspicious about. Spewing out a few more curse words at him in Italian, which I tend to do while mad, I took off for class. _What am I to do now? He knows I'm not normal!_ I couldn't focus on anything thing in English, or any class at that, even Alfred shouting didn't stir me from my slump. Spanish class rolled around and I asked to go to the nurse, to hide from Antonio like the coward I am. Laying down I began to think of all the times I had let my guard slip in front of Antonio. That time we went out for lunch and I forgot to keep my voice low, the time I came out with my towel wrapped around my _whole_ body instead of just my waist, my boobs totally obvious...I knew there were plenty more but stopped once I got to ten to keep from freaking out any further. _No wonder he knows, I'm surprised he didn't figure it out in freshman year!_ The nurse came in telling me that the last bell just rang and I need to go. _How did I not hear it?_ Slowly I dragged myself to my locker and put some binders in that I didn't need. I stood there for a long time as my eyes drifted to the red streaks, stripping my arm, 5...fourteen of them scratched in my forearm marking me as a weakling. I knew seven more would be added once I told Antonio. Slamming the locker I sighed and laid my forehead against it, wishing I could just be normal. The walk home was peaceful as I breathed in the smell of summer; I was still in a good mood when I reached the staircase but that quickly went south as I neared my dorm. Gloomily I shuffled to my door, upon entering I saw Antonio sprawled out on his bed with Gilbert on mine, playing video games, ignoring the fact that they were _MY_ video games I uncaringly pushed Gilbert off my bed. "Get out Gilbert..." He starred at me in mock astonishment "WOW! I didn't know you could talk without cussin' Lovino!" Before I could make a smart comeback he shot off for the door. 'Lucky he got out before I whipped his ass.' Sitting on my bed I suddenly became very nervous and focused on my shoes. "Antonio...we need to talk..." "I know Lovi...I don't want to force it out of you but...we're roommates and I need to know, _amigos_ don't keep secrets." I pushed the tears out of my eyes and sniffled, not looking away from my shoes, a thought of running away flashed across my thoughts but I pushed it away knowing I could never leave on my own accord. "Antonio, I'm not exactly who you think...truth be told, my names not even legally Lovino Romano Vargas...its Lovina Rosalie Vargas." He stayed silent and I panicked "B-but I'm not a girl! Well I do have a women's body, I'm what's called trans*gendered...a FtM or Female to Male. I do identify as male though, and know that I'm male, I was just born in the wrong body..." I paused, choking on my tears as the ability to speak became more difficult. "I-I bind my chest to make it flat and put stuff down there to make it look as though I got one and I have a this thing to help me pee standing up..." _Smooth Lovi, real smooth._ Silence still. "I know this is all kinda awkward and you probably don't understand but it's kinda who I am, and I get it if you want a new roommate I'll pack my stu-"

"OMG! Thanks for the juicy gossip Lovino! Or should I say Lovin_a_!" _Oh no._ That wasn't Antonio's voice, I looked up to see Feliks Łukasiewicz, the polish kid who was an extreme gossip, standing in our doorway texting away, grinning like he won the lottery. I turned to Antonio; he looked infuriated at Feliks, almost homicidal. He lunged at the blonde but Feliks screamed and raced down the hallway, the Spanish man hot on his trail. For what seemed like hours but was actually minutes, I sat there not knowing what to do. Suddenly I felt hot tears stream down my face and I stumbled toward the bathroom. I just watched myself in the mirror for a long time. Girly eyes, no boobs, not a hair on my face, but defined muscle. I nearly puked out of disgust for everything I was before pure anger took over and I smashed the mirror with my hardest punch, blood bubbling and running down my hand as I pulled away. _What am I...? _Shakily I pulled back my bloodied hand and reached for the largest shard. It cut my fingers but I pressed it to my wrist, I counted the cuts as I sliced my arm apart, 7...fourteen more streaks decorating my arm like crimson streamers, seven for having to tell Antonio and seven more for Feliks finding out..._Why was Feliks even here?_ Blood ran down my arm and trickled onto the floor, staining everything in the small room. Soon everyone would know and I would get kicked out for lying and portraying as a man. _My life was just starting to look up..._ I laid there in a puddle of my own blood and tears, the glass pieces cutting up my sides and back right through the ace bandage and into the bruises below, before Antonio barged back in. "He ran into his dorm, damn coward...Lovi?...I'm sorry...I invited him, we had a project and...-Lovi?" He searched the whole room till he found me lying on the cold, blood stained tiles of our bathroom, "LOVINO, oh my god!" He rushed to my side and gently lifted me up, "My poor Lovi why would you do this...?" I never responded as I was stripped of my tattered clothing. His eyes softened with despair as he inspected the cuts and bruised that scarred my body. Antonio carefully placed me in the tub cleaning off the blood and dirt of that day and tending to my arm and the glass stuck in my back and sides until it was all disinfected and bandaged. Carrying me to my bed so I didn't step in the blood and glass still littered all over the bathroom floor, he sat me on the old mattress, while he scrubbed the bathroom tiles; any trace of blood was washed away. I could tell by the way his face was contorted he was holding back tears.

_See? A real man doesn't cry..._ Antonio then dressed me in my favorite pajamas, and even laid in bed with me, stroking my hair gently just the way my Mamma use to. "You know the school board might hear and kick me out right?" I managed to croak out weakly the swelling tears in my eyes threatening to spill over. Antonio hushed me, cupping my cheeks as he brushed the tears away and tenderly kissed my cheek. "Don't think like that, It's going to be ok Lovi~ It's going to be ok..." Whether he was trying to reassure me or himself, I'm not sure but in that brief moment I truly felt it'd all be ok...boy was I wrong.

XxX

A/N: I broke my laptop's screen last night, argggh, so I might not _want to _update because looking at it makes me sad. I need to learn to write longer chapters...and if anyone has any suggestions tell me and I'll gladly put them in, that is unless they clash with my plan but most likely they won't. Don't ask why he cuts in 7's, it's a long story.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Next chapter **whoo**! Decided to get off my lazy ass and write something, but it's only been like...a few days so no biggie. I should really be doing homework right now but... on with the story!

I woke up in Antonio's arms and it took me a while to process what happened, and when it did, I felt as if a ton of bricks had slammed into my heart. Sleepily I pulled from Antonio, _Might as well let him sleep_, and got up to shuffle into the bathroom, my exposed arms shivering from the chilled morning air. _Today's gonna suck..._ I stared into the mirror and groaned, I looked like a mess with my hair tussled and a bloodied bandage hanging off my arm. Glancing at the clock I realized that classes started in about an hour which gave me plenty of time to take a quick shower and get ready. As I shut the door and ran the water I could hear 'Toni stirring. Ignoring his calls to come back to bed I undressed and carefully un-wrapped the bandage bound around my arm.

Stepping out of the shower I wrapped a towel around me and quickly dried off. Then, looking over at the counter, I sighed realizing I had forgotten to take clothes with me. Hesitantly turning the knob I cracked the door, and called out to my roommate. "Hey Antonio, close your eyes for two seconds..." I didn't want him to be able to see the shape of what I truly looked like, no matter how close we were. He gave me an almost disappointed look but obeyed and closed his gorgeous emera- eyes, his eyes. I slipped out silently, collected my clothing and snuck back into the bathroom making sure he kept his eyes shut tightly. After making sure I was hid behind the door, I let him see again "Ok, you can open your eyes." Antonio hummed a bit unhappily, and gave me a painful look which flickered back downward. Shutting the door I felt bad for hiding from him but I never wanted him to see me as a girl, **ever**. Knowing that feeling sorry for yourself helps nothing I began a long struggle with the long sleeved dress shirt and after about 12 wasted minutes, I was able to get it on, comfortably. I checked myself over in the mirror making sure to replace my bandages, for my arm and chest, before stepping out to present myself to Antonio. His sorrow expression was replaced with a delighted one when his gaze casted on my smiling face.

I waited impatiently for him by the door, checking my digital watch every now and then to make sure we weren't late; I had never been able to tell time efficiently on those damn analog clocks. After thirty minutes of pacing and tapping my Allen-Edmonds dress shoes I had begged my Grandpa to buy for me, saying that no one would notice they were men's. Obviously they were, but my Grandpa reluctantly said yes anyway.

The Spaniard and I broke into a light jog as we rushed to get to class. He waved to me as we went our separate ways and I waved back a slight smile appearing on my face. Said smile faded as I entered class and right away the Teacher stopped me "Mister Vargas you are wanted in the office, sign out and report to the Principles office." A fair amount of the class let out a chorus of "Ooooooooooo" and an unidentified Scottish kid in the back called out "Tranny got in trouble!" Majority of the class laughed but I noted that Alfred and Arthur did not, instead, they barked at them to shut up. I decided to remain quiet and just leave to not call attention to the matter.

As I approached the Principles office the secretary gave me an overly sweet, fake smile with gum stuck in her cheek and gestured towards a large room down a small hallway. "You Vargas? Mr. Johnson's office is the last room in the center." She spoke her words almost nasally and popped bubbles in between chunks of words. I nodded and made my way down the short hallway, rapping my knuckle on the opened door. "Um Mr. Johnson you wanted to see me?" A low voice sounded from the closet as he walked out with a manila folder "Yes, _Lovina._ Please come in, take a seat." _Oh shit, he knows... this qill be fun _"So _Miss _Vargas, it seems you've been lying about your gender. A loyal student of ours heard the rumor and reported it to us. Not knowing whether to push it away or accept it we did a little investigation and looked over your birth certificate. It seems the claim is true…Do you deny this?" I swallowed and stared at my fidgeting hands picking at the wrinkle on my pants, "N-no Mr. Johnson. But I wasn't lying, y-you see I d-don't exactly follow my assigned gender..." I didn't like describing it that way but knew he wouldn't understand if I told him the truth. "Mist- Miss Vargas, you know this school has strict rules about student of your..._kind._" His face scrunched in disgust and I flinched, having the Principal who had once acted as if he were your Uncle, suddenly look down upon you, does **not** exactly sit well. "I've tolerated homosexual relationships at this school but that is as far as I will go. I'm sorry Miss Vargas but I have no other choice but to expel you. We've already done you to liberty of buying a plane ticket back to Italy and scheduled a taxi to pick you up and drive you home. You'll leave tomorrow. Take the rest of the day off the pack your things, and say your goodbyes."

He said it all so quickly I barely could keep up, but as soon as the word expel left his lips I began to crumble. Shaking, I arose from my chair, nodded and ran out to my building. The world blurred from my watery eyes but I refused to cry, for fear of anyone seeing me in a moment of weakness. I flung open my door and slammed it behind me. I stood there for a few moments and took in a shaky breath. _Calm down Lovino...you're just...getting expelled! _"AGHHH! How will I ever explain this to Grandpa...?" The bed creaked as I dropped down onto it, my face buried in my hands. I curled up and just stayed like that, blocking out the world and everything in it. After about an hour or two I awoke from a small nap, I felt re-energized but my mood still dampened. I had just begun to pack when Antonio busted through the door "Lovi~!" He hugged me tightly, kissed my cheek and settled his chin on my shoulder as he gazed down at my suitcase. "Wait why are you packing? School doesn't end for 2 months." A tear almost slipped from my eye but I swiped it away. "Heh...I know but...I got um expelled."

Antonio froze and dropped his arms from around me "E-expelled? But why would they expel you?" I lifted a hand and brought it to the back of my head "They don't accept transgender students here so...bye-bye Lovino." I tried to joke but it came out half-hearted and Antonio's face just dropped. Before I knew it I was embraced by the Spanish idiot. "B-but Lovi...I'll miss you…" "I'll you too Antonio but they just don't want me here, they're sending me back to Italy, where I'll finish school and then we'll both be going to College...Don't think too much about it. I need to finish packing then we can go out to dinner." Suddenly a wide grin appeared on his face "On our first date?" I let out a small chuckle, "Sure, yes, our first date." Antonio jumped up and helped me pack in record timing, even faster than when I heard I was going to Gauken. I had left out an outfit to wear to dinner and we both changed out of our stuffy uniforms. This time Antonio was waiting on me, but I had wanted everything to go perfect, which took a lot of time to prepare.

An hour later we left in Antonio's red Lamborghini Diablo. The lucky Spanish bastard had extremely rich parents and basically bought him whatever, but Antonio had never seemed to be spoiled, just, overly loved. Though I was expecting something like Olive Garden, Antonio brought me to an expensive Spanish restaurant named _Lo Mejor_, _hm __cocky._

Dinner was fun and lively with Antonio, back home we were very uptight and proper, not to say we acted like slobs now, but we were looser and more natural. We even shared dessert at the end, which almost resulted in a whipped cream fight until the waitress brought the check around.

By the time we were back in out room, both of us were smiling and laughing, but the joy was short lived as the sight of the half empty room came into view. I hugged the near-tears Spaniard "I know it's sad but we'll see each other again...probably." I muttered the last word so he didn't hear it, and took off his shirt before he could ask. Antonio stared at me shocked and I just snorted "I'm not planning to do anything; I just know you prefer sleeping shirtless, bastard." His face softened and he grinned, grabbing me by the waist as I had begun to change my pants "Oi! At least let me pull these up!" We both laughed and rolled around together for a while until he drifted off to sleep beneath me. I stroked his cheek and kissed it, "If it's meant to be, we'll meet again."

A/N: And le done~ that's right, I'm taking French, though all I can think about during it is France...perverted France. :/ Reviews are appreciated! Merci~!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Chapter 4! Now all my HW is done and I can write! I feel accomplished, plus it occurred to me I was spelling Austria's name wrong…sorry! I'll go back and fix that soon. But wait there's more! I drew a cover for this! By my standards, it looks pretty good! It's not colored though; since my coloring skills suck it'll probably just stay colorless.

The next morning was fuzzy; literally, with the tears in my eyes I could barely see everyone. Antonio, Mathew, Roderich, Francis, and Gilbert had all come to say goodbye. Though we were all very close I could see Antonio was hurting the most. His beautiful face, stained with tears, because of me, I couldn't help but feel bad. They had all given me small farewell gifts for they knew this was not our last time together. Mathew and Roderich gave me a framed picture of all of us in Naples on Spring break, one of the best times we'd had together. Gilbert and Francis gave me French _and _Italian wine, obviously the Italian would be better...The best gift of all though was from Antonio, a stuffed plushy tomato. No one seemed surprised at all that we were together now but I guess it was predictable, and before we had informed them that we were a couple, I had individually told them I was transgender, all of which were extremely accepting and Francis even found it attractive..._Fucking pervert, everything turns him on. _

No one knew what to say so we stood in front of the parking lot, teary eyed and sniffling, waiting for my cab, so I may be taken away. I spent those moments in Antonio's arms, covering one another in sloppy wet kisses..._Don't judge it was a sad moment. _After what seemed like two seconds but was really twenty minutes a honk announced my ride's arrival. Gilbert was the first to alert us of its presence.

"Hey Lovino, your cab's here d-dude..."

"Gil, are you crying...?"

"NO! The awesome me does not cry...that'd be so unawesome..."

A smile graced Antonio's lips at our friend's foolishness, causing me to grin too. _Man I'm really gonna miss you guys... _Antonio and I walked around the car, him lifting my bag into the trunk and, I sliding into my seat, shutting the door behind me, almost reopening it and punching that damn Mr. Johnson in the face, but I knew that would solve nothing and accepted what I had to do.

Antonio knocked on the window and I rolled it down, radiant bright green eyes staring straight into hazel green. For a while we stayed like that until I pulled him into a kiss, a bitter-sweet farewell kiss. As we separated the cab began to pull away, and my fingers slipped from Antonio's.

"Wait for me...?"

He called. I tried to keep the tears from streaming down my face, dripping onto my lap. "Over dramatic bastard…of course, forever..." Our friends let out a round of Servus! Tschüs! And Au revoir! I waved back a sad smile on my lips.

"Ciao! We'll meet again in Napoli, right?"

Everyone laughed but nodded, all except the heartbroken Antonio, I thought of mouthing 'I love you' but I knew that would be dumb.

"Oi Toni! Quite crying!" Then added on a quiet "I love you" so only he could hear. That goofy, lovable grin finally appeared on his face, and I pouted but a rosy bush formed on my cheeks.

"I love you too Lovino~!"

Francois clasped his hands together and help his boyfriend Mathew to him "Young love~!"

Gilbert laughed poking at Roderich. "Why can't you say that to me Roddy?" Antonio looked so lonely next to them...

I waved until I could no longer see them, and then slumped into my seat. Today was going to be a long day. I heard a buzz and glanced at my phone. '_Miss you already...__'_ I rolled my eyes, and _tsk_ed a bit and texted back; '_Miss you too..._' As the text message screen disappeared I saw what I had searched the night before. The directions to the nearest LGBT shelter in Naples. I had sent an email to my Grandpa this morning explaining everything and he never replied, knowing that I should never think too much of my _Nonno_ I looked up the nearest shelter. Luckily it wasn't too far away and I could get the taxi picking me up at Ugo Niutta to drive me to a house around there, like the driver would care where I got out, as long as he got payed.

Finally we made it to the airport that I could care less about, having traveled a lot at a young age due to my _Nonno's_ job and travelling a lot from England to Italy for school, I knew how to navigate through it. An hour later I boarded the plane still texting Antonio, he had already planned to come to see me, but he didn't know when, _idiota._ I was about to reply when the stewardess told me to turn off my phone so I settled with a quick Gtg and shut it off. Starring out the window I frowned. As much as I loved Italy, I was going to miss England and my friends, who wouldn't. Making sure no one was in front of me I kicked the seat and let out a long sigh. _Dammit! Well at least it can't get worst..._

XxXFabulousStoryBreak~Xxx

I awoke just before we landed to the terrible feeling of excruciating pain in my ear. _FUCK! _Twenty minutes later, that were spent clawing at my eardrums and nearly crying,_ it hurt a lot, ok, _we landed roughly. I had made sure to get my only bag, a large carry-on before so I could get off the plane as quick as possible. Rushing through the airport to my cab I couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness and despair. Really, now I had no one, not even my brother to talk to. The people I would be living with now would be random strangers.

The cab driver was holding a sign up with _Lovina Vargas _on it. _Fuck you Gauken…_ Fortunately he didn't seem to care about what I look like, neither did the fact I gave him direction to the LGBT shelter. _Just another day of shitty ass work I guess, I mean c'mon the man's a fucking cab driver. _He cut through traffic pretty easily and we made it to the shelter without any problem…_man I hate calling it that…how 'bout Casa Sicura, Safe Home. _I felt like a secret agent as I entered, _Casa Sicura~ _

Upon entering Casa Sicura, I began to feel nervous and scared. _What if there's no other Ftm's? What if I'm not allowed in? Where will I go? _So many questions swirled around in my head but I pushed them away as I pulled open the door. Taking a look at the lobby, I could tell majority of the kids waiting had been living on the streets for quite some time. Many were dirty and un-kept, I knew they should've gotten in first but because I had everything in order I was assigned a room right away.

They had assigned me a room with another FTM. He looked around the same age as me, maybe younger, and his name was Vladmir Popescu, or Dmitry as he said he wanted to be called. Once he introduced himself I knew he wasn't Italian, one; because of the accent, and two; because of his name, but I couldn't tell from were.

"If you don't mind me asking, where are you from?"

"Oh! Romania, sorry!" _Dear lord were those vampire fangs…wait Romania?_

"Why are you in Italia?" Dmitry shrugged and stared down at his shoes.

"I wanted to get as far away as possible and this was all I could afford…" I decided it was a sore spot and changed the subject.

"So, I heard there's a special school for everyone in the shelter?"

"Yes! It's so much fun! But just like normal school we all have our groups, Lesbians, Gays, Mtf's, Ftm's, and then the others. So welcome! We'll be seeing a lot of each other!" Dmitry smiled and I chuckled, I really liked this kid, he was really friendly and cheerful…_Sounds like someone else I know, hmm…oh… you shut the fuck up!_

XxXOhMehGerd,DisBreakSoBootiful~XxX

Dmitry helped me unpack and we actually began to talk about your past experiences, of passing and not passing as male or anything else really.

"One time, I walked into the female bathroom, before I was fully passing and a child in there just _stared_ at me like 'Um what are you doing in here?'" He snickered and waved the story away, but not in a rude manner.

"That's nothing! One time I walked into a female bathroom and they chased me out, screaming! That was when I realized I could finally start using the male bathroom!" The rest of the night was spent with us sharing stories and I guess…bonding, in fact I felt like I had known the guy for my whole life with the way it was so easy to talk to him. Though, since he could understand and relate I felt really close, I could even consider him a friend. I felt like I had, in a way, offended Mathew and Roderich, but I would never be able to open up to them like I did with Dmitry. I turned on my phone again as Dmitry fell asleep…_is that a coffin?_...Anyway, Antonio had texted me, several times _didn't I tell him I had to go?_ The latest one read; _'__Loviiii~ Are you home and safe?__'_ _Fuck! _I couldn't tell him I was living in a shelter; Antonio would probably come down and punch _Nonno _right square in the face! Deciding that the best thing to do was to lie, I texted back '_Yeah. Nonno was really accepting and everything is all good!__'_ _Pfft, that doesn't sound like me one bit, good thing Antonio's super gullible. _The Spaniard texted in a matter of just five seconds.

'_Yay~! It's really lonely in our dorm without you…I can't wait till school ends and I can go to Italy and see you! __'_ Antonio and I texted back and forth until I was too tired to continue and told him goodnight. Looks like _Casa Sicura_ wasn't going to be _that_ much of a problem.

A/N: Aw so sad, but hey, he made a friend! Yes, Romania! I thought Romania would make a perfect Ftm, not saying anything mean, but he just seemed like a good choice. Oh and that thing that happened to Lovi in the bathroom, really did happen, to me. I felt happy yet kinda awkward at the same time…and this chapter made Lovi seem really OOC so I had to go back and rewrite a few parts.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Life kinda sucks right now so sorry I'm so slow. My mom...well um she's not exactly sober...ever, but she's never really been I was just too little to notice, but I got friends and that's all that matters! At least you got someone right? Now enough of pitiful me and on with Define Uomo!

The next few weeks were a bit boring and uneventful. The new school was for all the kids at the shelter and there were fucking rainbows, EVERYWHERE. To me it was 20% comical and 80% aggravating. The classes there were a bit lacking and my classmates, as few as there were, weren't the smartest bunch, they in fact were incredibly stupid. I don't blame them considering that education most likely wasn't their top priority, instead probably food or shelter, but still it was annoying.

I sat with all the other FTM's at lunch and they all were extremely supportive and really great people. I made a few friends but none of which I was especially close with, just, mainly Dmitry. I even learned a few new things like Testosterone; male hormones. Two FTM's were on "T" as they called and I swore if you ever saw them you'd think they were fucking legit! I was so excited when I heard about it I found out the nearest (small, if I might add) clinic where they would inject T and the next Friday I left.

Once my name was called out after a brief sign in I sprung up and drummed on the counter excited. "Lovino Vargas? Yes we have some...disappointing news for you. You requested to start on Testosterone and we sadly cannot fulfill this. To start T before the age of 18 is illegal without a parent's signature, and considering you're 17 and living at the LGBTQ shelter, you are ineligible. Plus you must go through at least three months of therapy and have the therapist right a recommendation for you. I'm very sorry."

I could hear my heart breaking as the words left her mouth. It was a few months till my birthday but then three months of therapy? _Why hadn't anyone told me about this? _"Oh, um thanks..." My arms slid off the counter and I made my way to the door practically dragging my feet.

When I finally made it back my phone buzzed against my leg. Slowly taking it out I answered with a beaten

"Ciao?"

"Hola Lovi! Hey why do you sound so sad?" I groaned, Antonio, as much as I loved him I didn't feel like talking, oh well.

"Oh, uh hey Antonio. Sup? I'm not sad...just tired is all."

"Well go to bed earlier then ok?"

"Yeah sure whatever, what did you want anyway?"

"Right! I'm coming to visit!"

I froze. _Visit? Here? _Faking a smile and cheery tone I replied "Cool, so when?"

"It's a surprise! I'll be staying in a hotel so I don't bug your _Nonno_ with extra food and everything, sound good?"

"Um sure, well I need to go, homework, I'll talk to you later ok?"

"Haha! Ok Lovi~! Have fun~!" I hung up the phone and shoved it back in my pocket. Antonio was visiting and I had no idea when. That's just fucking great! I busted through my door, startling Dmitry, and plopped onto my unmade bed.

"Hey Lovino? What's wrong?" My head was buried into my pillow so my reply was a bit muffled.

"Life sucks. I didn't know you have to go to therapy before T!" Dmitry just nodded and sat down on the bottom of my bed, playing with my quilt.

"Well that's a big change Lovi, something you should think about for a while. Plus you have to be diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder."

We talked for a while and soon I began to feel better, he even made me laugh, though Dmitry had a sort of vampire fetish going on, he was still a really cool guy to talk to. I got up a little later to shower, letting the warm water wash away my worries, then returned to my bed for a long night's sleep. Thank god for Fridays.

XxX

On Saturday I relaxed and didn't think of anything but sleep, but as Sunday approached I scheduled to meet with a Therapist, Dr. Eduard Von Bock. Weird name right? Turns out he was from Estonia, _Everyone I ever meet if from a different country, why? _

Dr. Von Bock was a tall quiet man with dusty blonde hair and small glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, and seemed to be awfully content in that expensive, comfy, red, recliner.

"So, Mister Vargas, what bring you here today?" That was the beginning question of my first therapy session, the first of many; therapy sessions where I was forced to express only my feelings and true emotions, so basically, become a middle school girl.

Walking home I let my mind wander since my feet practically memorized how to get home themselves. _So, I have therapy checked off my list but I still have Antonio to deal with. I had no idea when he__'s __coming and how to explain everything and/or come up with a reason why I'm not with my Nonno._ As if on cue, my phone buzzed and it was no other than Antonio. _What a surprise! _

"Ciao."

"Hola! I was just calling because I miss you and you forgot to call me back so I got worried…" _Shit! That totally slipped my mind…_

"Oh yeah, sorry I was kinda busy with school and all y'know?"

"Of course! I just wanted to make sure!" A moment passed with both of us just awkwardly waiting for something to say, I was about to say goodbye when Antonio interrupted.

"Oops almost forgot! I wanted to tell you I should be in Italy soon so expect to see me any day now, si?

"Thanks for telling bastard. I'll make sure to put spiders in your bed once I found put your room."

"So mean! Well I should go, Gilbert's fighting with Roderich over…who top- never mind Lovi! Adios!"

"Bye..?" I let out a long sigh, hearing of my old friends brought back a bit of longing but I pushed it away, I didn't feel like sulking at the moment.

Monday came and went, Tuesday was spent buried in homework, Wednesday I went out with Dmitry for dinner, not on a date, just two friends going out for dinner, simple as that. But on Thursday, I saw HIM. Dmitry had dragged me to the shopping center and while he was off searching for clothes I inspected the produce being sold. Much of it wasn't good, since it was February nothing was really going to be harvested around now, and just as I looked up from a batch of puny tomatoes, I saw him. Antonio, just prancing around, smiling and laughing, having a grand old time in the freezing Town Plaza.

My first instinct was to go greet him but as I began to make my way towards him I realized I had not thought out my plan. Panicking, I searched everywhere for Dmitry and eventually found him prodding at a few knock-off designer coats being sold for half price, _too bad for him._

"Dmitry, we need to go." I _almost_ begged, tugging at his shirt like a child would his mother.

"But, why? It's not like we have curfew, and it's only…" he glanced at his watch "…two o'clock!" Groaning I looked him in the eye and put on my most serious tone.

"We have to go." Judging by how his mouth fell into an "O" shape, he finally understood what I was saying. My hand grabbed his wrist and I tugged him through the crowd trying to avoid the bastard he best I could without even knowing his location at the time.

We stumbled out of the bustling Plaza and on to a small street, obviously a few run down apartments where a few bundled up children attempted to play soccer with stiff legs and numb toes. I had thought we had made it out unseen until I heard footsteps approaching us from behind.

"Lovi?"

A/N: Oh noes! He was caught! How will he explain it all? Will he lie or come clean? Who knows? Oh yeah, I do. And yes I brought Estonia into this, he seems very Therapist-y (lol pisty) don't you agree? This chapter was really quite easy to type; I dunno why I'm so lazy and can't just get these down. Hm, the world may never know…reviews, favorites, and follows are much appreciated!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok so I'm getting started on this today (11/1/12) and hope to have it up by tomorrow! Keyword being hope, I've been practicing guitar a lot and now my fingertips hurt so it hurts to type...owie.

I froze for a second but brushed it off pretending I had no idea who Antonio had called, but I only made it three steps before I felt him grasp my wrist, luckily it was the right one.

"Lovino Vargas, I know that's you." _Shit, he caught me! _Turning on my heels I grinded my teeth together, Dmitry flinched at the noise.

"Oh, hi Antonio, I didn't know it was you, a lot of people are named Lovino here y'know?"

"Not really..." I shot a death glare at Dmitry, _Shut the fuck up! _He seemed to get the message by the way he couldn't meet my gaze nor keep standing so close, as he shuffled to the side, mumbling under his breath.

"Um, yoo-hoo? Lovi?" _Oh yeah, he's still here._

"Sorry! I was just, _correcting _my friend Dmitry here...Hey! You two haven't met! Dmitry, his is Antonio, Antonio, this is Dmitry." I was doing my best to dodge Antonio's suspicious side looks and making sure he didn't get a chance to ask questions. Dmitry and Antonio shook hands, both giving a polite nod.

"It's so nice to finally meet Lovino's boyfriend, he talks about you a-UFF!" Hey, I couldn't have him making me look all lovey-dovey could I? Sorry Dmitry, you're my friend but you deserved my elbow in your stomach.

I could see Antonio's face light up at the word boyfriend.

"Oh? Really? That's so sweet Lovi~!" The oaf pulled me into a big bear hug, practically crushing the air out of my lungs. Gasping slightly, I pushed him away and scrambled to Dmitry's side.

"Well… I'll see you tomorrow and we can tour Naples, but for now Dmitry and I must be going, ciao!" I went to snatch Dmitry's hand but the damn Spaniard got in the way.

"You two live together?" The confusion and worry he had was written all over his face, from the scrunched brows, to the slight frown, but he did his best to make it look like it was just a honest question.

Before I could get a word out, Dmitry spoke up for us.

"Yeah! We're roommates at the LGBT center just a few blocks away, didn't Lovi tell you?" I face-palmed, _The world hates me. _Antonio's eyes widened in surprise with a twinge or sorrow.

"Lovi...you lied to me...? You said you were with your _Abuelo.." _Hurt was obvious on his handsome face, I felt so bad for lying but what was I to do?

"Lovino You know I would've figured something out for you if you couldn't go home! You should've just told me!" I groaned and stomped my foot down, I tend to do that when annoyed and angered.

"That's why I didn't tell you! You're always looking out for me like I'm your kid and not your…b-boyfriend! I can take care of myself Antonio!" Arguing with him made me feel a bit guilty but my anger over took it and shoved it away, like that old teddy bear you over grew and exiled to the back of the closet, sorry Mr. Snuggles...

Antonio shrunk back giving a small nod to say he understood.

"Ok ok, I don't want to argue, I'm sorry for being so over protective but please tell me when something's wrong ok? I just want to help?"

"Yeah yeah, I know..._Anche io ti amo bastardo._" This time I pulled him into my embrace, giving his cheek a quick peck. For a while we stood there, enjoying our first time together in months when an indifferent voice broke the silence, _Oops, forgot about Dmitry._

"But, we seriously do need go...we have curfew. It's been great meeting you Antonio!" Dmitry began ushering me towards our street, politely waving goodbye to the curly haired man I had previously been enjoying a loving moment with, until rudely interrupted!

"It was nice meeting you too! Bye Lovi~ Text me!" I rolled my eyes at his..._endearing_ clinginess, my hand motioning a small wave.

Once back I checked my phone and sure enough the _idiota _had texted me. I told him I was going to take a quick shower and tossed my phone on my bed, cringing a bit as the top hit the wall hardly.

Huffing, I yanked off my shirt I called out to my roommate who was currently sprawled out, upside down, on his bed, with his head over the edge and his hair fluffed out from the pull of gravity, starring confusedly at book. _He looks different without his bangs in his face._

"I call first shower!"

"Obviously..." he grumbled back, thinking I couldn't hear over the shower's loud hum.

"'Heard that!" My head peered around the door to give him a smirk, catching a fake smile on his face.

"Heard what my incredibly wonderful roommate~?" His compliment was dripping with _un_appreciated sarcasm.

"Pft! Whatever!"

XxX

The next day I awoke around 12 to the repetitive _ping! _of my cellphone alerting me that some asshole was blowing up my phone. _Hm, I wonder who that could be?_

I was reluctant to let me arm leave the warmth of my bed, but I shifted on my back anyway and my left arm reached for the annoying thing, my scars and cuts peeping out from behind my sleeve. Making sure Dmitry was fully asleep, and my cell lying beside me, unread messages blinking, I rolled my sleeve up carefully.

A few fresh cuts painted red streaks from getting my emotions about therapy, T and Antonio finding out, get the best of me, but majority were just dark scars, marking up the limb practically screaming "_This guy's a pathetic loser! Or should I say her? What is this thing! Look at it! Look at these scars!__"_ The poor appendage looked torn up and useless, and in a sense, it was, I couldn't really use it for anything for fear people would catch a glimpse. Gingerly my fingers rubbed up and down the marks recalling all the horrible stories behind them.

A long sigh escaped my mouth, and I dragged myself to my dresser. I'd just have to smear some makeup on them (I kept a bit with me just in case of pimples, I'm very self-conscious.) _Hopefully it doesn't sting…_

After rummaging through the drawers I picked out a red button-up shirt, a small black tie and vest, a pair of dark blue jeans, a black belt and a black fedora to top it off (style is a must, even if I don't really like shopping). I almost forgot the ace bandage and had to take off the vest and shirt to put it on.

I shuffled into the bathroom, looked into the mirror and nearly jumped back in surprise. _I have the worst bedhead…_After spending around twenty minutes fixing the crisis a top my head, and still not being able to keep that damn curl down, I brushed my teeth, and covering up my arm (damn that stung).

Stuffing my red high tops, no not Converse, I made my way to the door, finally pulling out my phone to check it.

Antonio had texted me several times on where he was, where we're going…etc. _Damn, does this guy ever shut up?_

XxXFabuLineBreakQurlXxX

We met up in front of Antonio's hotel, I had to walk because I couldn't afford anything else but fortunately it wasn't too far away. He gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek, earning us a few stares but luckily nobody commented.

"So how is mi amor today?" My eyes rolled automatically.

"Good I guess…you?" He smiled wide and slapped his hands together.

"Fantástico!" The rest of the conversation carried on, and I honestly cannot tell you what it was about because, talking was just something to get rid of the white noise happening around us. We were both just so happy to be with one another again, it had been a whole month, and for us that was way too long.

The restaurant we ate at was a pretty well-known place, praised for its desserts, which we later confirmed by sharing a Whipped Cream Zabaglione.

After killing about an hour or so in the restaurant, we took a stroll around town, admiring the beautiful art and translating several things for him, and soon we found are selves upon a bridge, staring down into the dark, cold water at our tinted reflections.

"Lovino…I love you." Antonio's words surprised me, I mean I he was 17 did he even know what love meant? But I love him back though it was a little embarrassing at the cheesiness of it all.

"I love you too Antonio…" I couldn't deny the dark blush coloring my cheeks, partially from the chill of the water but mostly from the fact I told him I loved him back.

Antonio smiled gently before caressing my cheek; I turned to look at him and our foreheads met along with our gazes. We both leaned inward until the gap between us was no more and our lips locked in a passionate kiss.

A/N: It's funny where Lovi mention having a teddy bear, because I never had one, I had a stuffed goat...idk, but I loved him...and now he's in the back of my closet...heh.

Also sorry if this chapter was a bit boring but I can't have two *gasp* "he's here!" chapters in a row y'know? Plus Spamano fluffiness is cute so shoosh you, even if it is cheesy fail fluff! (Wow I meant to finish this on the 2nd but instead I finished at 12:24 11/9/12 and didn't upload it till 11/12/12 around 9! Ugh, T.T sorry)

PLUS I'm sorry if Lovi's style is kinda weird…I prefer beanies and plaid shirt and that's not really Lovi so I had to look something up, and the drawing didn't have shoes! So I just did high tops. :/


	7. Author's Note

Hey! eternalJuggalo here! I'm not dead, just really really busy, and lazy, plus I kinda forgot about this story (sorry). But today I did go back and try to edit everything but I couldn't edit the first Chapter, sorry, funny cause it's the suckiest. Sorry if it didn't actually edit idk we'll see, later, hopefully it did or I went through a lot for nothing, right now I just so tired I even opened Paint to write this like wow, it's like 4:15, yeah I need to get out of the habit of writing at night cause everything gets all jacked up, so I do apologize if anything's messed up I will do my best to fix everything and get Chapter 7 up soon!


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